crazedninjamonkey on Xanga

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Sing the Sorrow
By A.F.I.
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Well this time it's not actually about me. It concerns me but isnt completely about me. Why can't I put complete trust in people? It seems like whenever I try to completely trust somebody they always find some way to go and hurt me. I just wish I could have faith in someone and actually be able to trust them. Im so stupid and ignorant its not even funny. I get blinded by these stupid things and I end up getting hurt in the end. I wish that I could see these things coming and be able to avoid getting hurt because im so tired of feeling like this. I think it's just when a girl comes around and thats when I am blinded by lust and love. I mean last year I basically had my mental breakdown because of a girl, which caused it even worse. Then I don't feel the same as I did before in the beginning of the school year. Blahdfjakdlsfjklsjfklsdkfj ok im finished

Currently Listening
Let It Enfold You
By Senses Fail
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Fuck....thats it just fuck. I am so fucking confused right now I just dont know what to do. I am confused and I dont know how to deal with it. I wanna say I do but I dont know. It's just to hard for me to deal with it and it's even harder with all this school shit. I just wish it could go back the way it was in the beginning of the year where I wasnt caught up in this drama and was more focused on other stuff. I wasn't bothered by all of this stuff so it made it easier for me. Thank god for xanga for letting me get all of this out. If you dont want to read it then just stop because I am not here for your public reading. I am here to write how I feel. I am here to write what I feel I need to get out. <3.....

Currently Listening
As the Palaces Burn
By Lamb of God
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Wow it has been such a long time that I have used xanga. I guess it will do me some good to write on how I am feeling. Right now I dont feel good at all. I officially decided that I am going to lose weight. I think that about 10-15 pounds is a good goal to go for. I want to lose it by the end of the school year. I feel that everything that I get made fun of for by matt and all of them has just gotten to me and I am fed up with it. I dont like the way I look and I dont want to resort to cutting because just no. I dont like having "man boobs." I want to wear my A Life Once Lost shirt and not have anyone make any comments on the fat that I have. Or any other tight shirt that I may have. I dont like to feel that after every meal I am full and then look down at my stomach. Yes that is my goal. I guess I will start to go running over at the Nimitz track. I guess 4 laps around the track is good. Then I will go and possibly check out their excercise equipment things. I think they have a thing that you can do sit-ups and crunches so I will do some of those as well as push-ups. Yeah well if anyone actually reads this and wants to join in just let me know. Thats all for now though. Good Night<3